Updated: Aug 6, 2020
The people with whom we have the most contact will have either a positive or negative effect on our levels of self-esteem and confidence.
We all have people in our lives who are just easy to be around. And then there are those who simply drain the energy out of us. The thought of hanging out with these people generates feelings of anxiety, pressure or obligation.
How do you feel when you are around people who are happy and supportive and encouraging and thoughtful, and have an abundance of positive energy? It is no surprise that these people make you feel happy and confident and invincible. These are the people whose mere presence can change the atmosphere of an otherwise boring room. Their attitude is contagious to those who are open to being happy and supportive and encouraging and thoughtful.
Then there are the “others”.
For whatever reason, these people drain your energy. If after leaving an engagement with someone, you feel depressed or tired, or you notice a lack in confidence or self-esteem, please recognize that you have just spent time with one of the “others”.
Who do you prefer to be with?
When we are young, we long for acceptance and we will take it from anyone, at any cost. However, as we mature, it’s important to ask ourselves what we want from those around us. What value to they bring? Remind yourself that you deserve to be around those who support you. You. Deserve. To. Be. Around. Those. Who. Support. You.
There are some who believe that we can choose our friends but not our family. If this is the case, does this give family the inherited right to make us feel depressed, discouraged, exhausted?
What can you do to ensure those around you will empower and support you regardless of the relationship?
1. Remember, YOU have the POWER to choose who you spend time with.
2. YOU have the ABILITY to set BOUNDARIES.
a. Inform the Negative Nellie’s in your life that you are not interested in their negativity.
If they don’t have something nice or supportive to say about you or others, you will keep the discussion to small talk.
b. If they continue to be negative, end the conversation and excuse yourself.
3. We have been conditioned to accept family members for who they are. You have an aunt who lives to complain. Your uncle wouldn’t be able to survive if he didn’t have something to be angry about. Your sister loves the attention she gets from being the “victim” in any situation. Our relatives have exhibited this behavior for as long as we can all remember because we allow it. We enable it.
What if we stopped enabling?
What if we set boundaries?
What if, when we sensed that negativity creeping into our souls, we excused ourselves?
4. It’s important to note that some people may decide that they don’t want to be around YOU if you are not going to allow them to be negative, discouraging, unsupportive. Be okay with that. Surround yourself with those who support you, encourage you, lift you up.
EVERYONE enters our lives for a purpose. This includes family. Perhaps that reason is to help us become a better person or to help us understand what we don't want. perhaps it is to teach us a lesson. Maybe YOU were meant to come into their lives to help them grow. Sometimes, once the purpose is fulfilled, we go our separate ways. Other times, people stay in our lives forever because the purpose is never-ending, the value grows. Those are the ones we should cherish and hold on to.
5. Value yourself. Know your value and live your life according to those values.